So many shoes, I kept thinking. Why do I need them if I don’t even go out?

This question actually helped me to change my life around.

I needed to numb myself from the pain of a unfulfilled life and shopping did the trick for a while. How thrilling it was to get a new pair of shoes or a new piece of clothes. After some time, my closet was so full that it made my heart very heavy.

No matter how many shoes, jewelry, clothes or any next shiny thing I gave myself, nothing would quiet that voice of an empty heart, I realized one day sitting in my closet. The whole in my soul couldn’t be filled no matter how many shoes I had.

Those voices in my heart would wake you up in the middle of the night asking for attention.

I couldn’t even feel the thrill anymore and the pain was just unbearable. That’s when I knew something needed to be done.

What the heck is it? Everything seems wrong in my life. I feel like living someone else’s life script, I kept thinking. How did I get here?

I never pondered those sort of questions before because I was made to believe that something was wrong with me since looking from the outside I had it all. How could I ever complain? I felt guilty for being unhappy. What a trip! No wonder I bought so many shoes!

I had no idea how would I ever fill that gap inside me and it took me few years of researching, tons of reading, working with coaches and mentors in order for me to realize that I was in fact living someone else’s life, most likely my mom’s.

I changed it all and it’s still a learning process but I’ve learned in the hard way to ask for what I want and most important, know what I really want and not to wait to someone to give it to me.